College Convos: Living with a Roommate and 8 Tips on How to Navigate a Shared Space!

by: Jasmine Gage ‘25

 

The semester has begun and instead of living in the comfort of your own home, you're living here on campus with a stranger as your new roommate. As intimidating as it may seem, we are here to tell you that everything is going to be okay!

 

As someone who has ALWAYS lived in dorms and roomed with three random people every year, I have to say it's both exciting and challenging. It's always nice to get to know different kinds of people, but sometimes we don’t know how to start those conversations. The challenge tends to come in when we are nervous about what can happen with our roommate. We tend to ask questions like: Who is this person? Will we get along? Are they going to be keeping their space clean? Will we both be the best of friends? As these questions are running through your brain, it shows you are at least a bit interested in the person across the room. By reading these tips, you will gain a mutual understanding with your roommate, and living with them will seem a bit less scary than it did before!

 

Getting To Know Them

When it comes to sharing a space with one or three other roommates, sometimes we may be a bit shy or introverted to spark up a conversation with them. One thing I’ve learned is that a simple “hey” can go a pretty long way. Be polite and ask them how their classes went or how their day was. Try to get to know your roommate(s) and ask them questions about themselves like their interests or hobbies or even their reason for coming to McKendree. Even then, you can go a bit farther and ask them to hang out, play a few games, or go to lunch/dinner at the dining hall. Who knows, maybe after that you’ll be hosting game nights and bringing over new people to hang out with! As you are working up to this point, always be sure to take your time and be patient with each other. Remember that sometimes it takes others or even yourself a bit of time to open up.

 

Communication Is Key

One of the most important things when it comes to living with a roommate is communication. You should be able to communicate with your roommate about anything that may come to mind if you feel as if they should know. Whether it's about a cute cat photo, a troubling class, or even just a random ramble, communication is key! Communicating with your roommate consistently will create a mutual understanding with them and have you both feel a tad bit more comfortable with each other to openly talk about anything that may arise.

 

The High Expectations of Friendships

Now it’s understood that there may be a huge amount of pressure to move in, get to know your roommate, and become the best of friends. Maybe your parents had you watch a bunch of college-themed movies, and it made you put together very high expectations of what to expect from college relationships with your roommates. While for some of you, this may be an outcome due to the connection you have or by being an extrovert, it is also okay if this isn’t the outcome at all. I remember for my first year at McKendree, I only spoke to one of my roommates out of the three I had. Even though the other two were very close friends, they decided to keep to themselves which is completely normal. However, we still had mutual respect and always kept it that way. In the end, it is okay if you and your roommate(s) don’t end up as BFFs, but a mutual understanding between you all is always the goal.

 

Cultural Differences and Backgrounds

From the moment you meet your roommate(s) and get to know them a bit more, you may realize that they are from a completely different background than the one you have. McKendree represents multiple states and countries, so there is a possibility your roommate will be from a completely different background, religion, and culture. As you continue to meet people from different walks of life, always keep in mind to respect their background. Certain phrases, words, jokes, or gestures may be considered offensive to your roommate, so always be mindful of what you say or do. You may experience a bit of different upbringings or culture shock, but it comes with the experience. Just remember to remain open-minded and respectful at all times. Also, do not hesitate to ask questions about each other’s cultures or backgrounds as long as it’s done in a respectful manner.

 

Setting and Respecting Boundaries

Throughout the constant conversations between you and your roommate(s), always be sure to discuss any boundaries that you may have when it comes to your shared space. Try to communicate your boundaries to your roommate as soon as possible, including anything you may be willing to set rules on such as the usage of your items, privacy rules, how you handle conflict, habits, alarm clocks, schedules, and more. Be sure to communicate these concerns calmly and openly, making sure to be respectful to your roommate and their boundaries as well. If you share a certain utility such as a bathroom, kitchen space, or common area, be sure to discuss how to keep those areas clean. Your boundaries are yours as well as theirs and should be respected as such. If you do not agree with your roommate’s boundaries, discuss it with them in a friendly manner.

 

Keeping A Clean Space

Due to our very busy schedules, whether that be practice, classes, or homework assignments, we tend to be very messy in between those moments. Sometimes we may forget to take out the trash or throw away the empty ramen cup on the desk, but when it comes to sharing a space, we want to clean up after ourselves. Keep in mind that your roommate is not your parent nor your maid, and vice versa, but you both are responsible for the cleanliness of your space. Be sure to communicate early about who cleans what. If you want, create a chores list, figure out what cleaning products to buy, and clean up after yourselves. Keeping your area clean always helps you avoid a potential conflict with your roommate(s) in the future!

 

Schedules and Planning

Everyone has different schedules, whether that be early morning classes, late-night classes, practices, working hours, or other activities on campus. Maybe your roommate has a potential paper coming up and needs a quiet space to write it throughout the night. Maybe you have an early morning practice and need to get your rest the night before. Maybe one day, you both may feel as if you want to invite friends over at the same time, which may conflict with each other’s plans. Always be sure to communicate your schedule with your roommate(s) to be sure you're not disturbing them or conflicting your plans with theirs. Talking to your roommate(s) about potential plans or each other’s schedule may help you both have a common ground on what you can/cannot do at certain times of the day.  If you believe you both may lose track of what’s going on with your roommate(s), try writing out your schedule on a whiteboard or a dry-erase calendar to help remind each other of what’s going on during the week and especially those very busy days!

 

Navigating Conflicts and Finding Compromises

You may have moments where you and your roommate(s) may not agree on every single thing that may be thrown at you throughout the semester. Maybe a specific conflict has arisen, and it is causing tension between the both of you. When things such as conflict happen, always be sure to set aside time to discuss the ongoing conflict. Remain respectful as you both talk about what the current problem is and how it can be resolved. Even if you feel a sense of inner conflict with your roommate, speak up the moment you feel a certain way and never assume your roommate knows what the internal conflict is. Most conflicts usually end in some sort of compromise where both of you can find some sort of middle ground, which is also okay! If the conflict gets to a point where you and your roommate cannot see a middle ground, always try resorting to your RA and, if needed, the Residence Director within your dormitory. If the conflict continues, you can also talk to ResLife here on campus at McKendree!

 

Living within a new environment and with new people can be a bit overwhelming, but hopefully these tips have turned your fears into confidence! So go out there and speak to your roommate(s), learn something new about them, and remember, a simple “hey” can go a long way!